by Ellie Roscher
Almost immediately upon arriving home from 11 days in El Salvador, Brian Smith and all 15 other students were experiencing the paralyzing feeling of reverse culture shock. We were in daily email contact until we could meet again.
“We have so much,” Francie said. “It’s hard not to feel guilty.”
“Now that we’re back, El Salvador is like another world,” added Akoni.
“What do we do? What do we feel?” we all asked.
That’s when Brian Smith shared a few raps he had written about our trip.
So simple and how it can be How open our hearts can be How open my mind can see
His words resonated with us. Since then, I have been his teacher, slowly piecing together his story and seeing him take the risks a prophet takes among us.
“I was a mischievous child, maybe even a troubled child. I talked back,” says Brian, independent and strong-minded. “I got chased by the cops for throwing things at cars and getting my friends to do the same. I always outran them,” he remembers with a laugh.
“Being the youngest of five I was always surrounded by older kids. I learned from them and their mistakes I decided that I wanted to bring positive things into the world.”
Lookin’ at these trees, reminds me of my life Branch by branch connects values to be right Contemplating on which path to follow Each leads a different way Might not be there tomorrow Then I’ll grow to be a full out man Livin’ life is hard, I’ll do the best I can Knowing that I’m gonna need help
Brian needs to express himself and be in communities that let him. Music is his medium. “By seventh grade, I knew I wanted to make music,” he says. “I was born with a drive to create. People ask me if it is scary to make music, but I’m never afraid. I start with a sample, and I just explode. I feel validation and relief as what is in me comes out to share with others.”
Raised on 2Pac, Chuck D, and Notorious B.I.G., Brian got tired of rappers addressing nothing more than money, drugs, and women repeatedly in their lyrics. “I want to do something different. I want my music to mean something,” Brian says.
Luckily, Brian has found local rappers that feed his creativity. A cohort of artists that call themselves Rhymesayers influence Brian’s music the most, especially Atmosphere and Brother Ali. “I want to be a speaker of truth and a storyteller like them,” he says.
Make a good impact, preach, enhance Who says you need to be a certain color To be part of, be yourself, look further Maybe then they’ll see How good it feels to open myself and be me There’re other people in this world? Got it right Stop being fake and go do what you’re born to
Friends dropped Brian in ninth grade when they started drinking and he didn’t give in to peer pressure. “I didn’t need that,” says Brian. “I am a wild and fun guy, and I don’t need alcohol to be funny. So we broke up, the guys and me. I was really lonely for a while. But it was worth it to be true to myself and just be me.”
Brian turned to music and sports to keep busy. “I worked to be the major wide receiver on our team. I worked and worked, and then when I caught a pass for a touchdown in a big game, it was like, ‘Yeah, I did that.’
“Music is the same. I build and build until something is there I never thought I could create. A moment always comes in the creating process when I don’t believe the song will ever happen. Then it does. There is dignity in taking that risk. I like sports and I’m proud of my accomplishments, but sports don’t define me. I don’t pray for it, you know? But music is me.”
Among his peers Brian has become a kind of prophet, someone who has words for their feelings and dreams, who takes the risk to use his talents and perform, and lives what he sings. He is a witness to God’s gifts within him because those around him see his light. He has a drive to create in a way that brings justice.
The first time Brain rapped live he spoke to a group of kids at a low-achieving grade school. His words spoke the power of education and the need to stay in school.
“Music is my way to say the person you were created to be is good. Find your people, do your thing, and be true to yourself in the world — these are the best things. It is worth being lonely while you are searching.”
So me? Just a skinny white guy Seein’ my friend dealin’ just to get by Things will get better only if we try I’m a work on myself to be a better Bri
Finding who he is and creating music are spiritual processes for Brian. “Religion is the idea that there is a greater good — life is not about me. I want to add what I can to this greater good. If we all do a better job of that, the world will get more beautiful. I just want people to believe that they can be happy when they are themselves.”
In a sea of young people working to identify who God created them to be, Brian has emerged as a leader through his music and how he lives his life. What draws others is his pureness of heart, his work ethic, and his uncompromising dedication to staying true to himself. Brian Smith raps truth because he sings what he lives.
So I wonder why does it take so long For me to get the answer and start feeling strong Them healing hands were part of your sacrifice Leaves me with the question, will I be safe tonight? Always go to you, to get me through Can I realize, did you feel like this too? Son, Prophet, and world creator Should I feel guilt for terror round the equator? I guess I won’t know until the day I die I gotta say I love you