by Diana R. Jenkins
I just wanted to have an actual personality — that’s all. I was sick of being this boring guy who couldn’t make his own grandmother laugh. I wanted to be fun — and funny. Who knew things could go so wrong?
Everything started out okay. Oh, it wasn’t easy to admit to myself that I had the dullest page on Facebook. (It was so me.) But once I faced the truth, I realized I could change—online, at least. If I set up a new page with a secret identity, it would be like trying on a new personality. How fun would that be?
For the new me, I used this obvious photo of an underwear model. Then I called myself “Wilbur” to be ironic. I included good music and enough popular stuff to show I wasn’t a loser, but I threw in some freaky old junk for laughs. My details included my real school but nothing else true.
To start Wilbur’s blog, I turned on these girls at school who call themselves the Divas:
Total eclipse! Sun blocked by ginormous heads! Wilbur’s not impressed by D girls with D egos.
I steered my friends to “this new page I found,” and they thought Wilbur was hilarious. They spread the word, and by the next morning Wilbur had 50 messages — all positive. I couldn’t believe it!
Then when I got to school, everybody was talking about me…well, Wilbur.
“I wonder who he is,” said my friend Mike.
“Yeah,” I said in my usual clever way.
“Somebody funny,” said Ray.
“Yeah,” I said again. I was tempted to speak up right then, but it was fun having a secret identity. It would be really funny to wait and spring the truth on them later.
Other people were talking, too, and pretending they couldn’t see whenever the Divas walked by. The girls looked puzzled at first, but later you could tell they were better informed — and really mad.
The whole thing was a riot. I’d never had so many people interested in me. To keep them hooked, I needed to update Wilbur’s blog with something good — but what?
An after-school fight gave me an idea. When I got home, I posted:
Epic clash! Unarmed 4 battle of wits, combatants use fists! Wilbur wants 2 no who left their cages open?
Soon the responses came rolling in! Everyone thought Wilbur was a riot except for someone who said I was too stupid to spell I.Q. I zapped back:
Wilbur wants 2 no do mind-readers charge U half price?
The next day at school was great. Everybody was trying to guess Wilbur’s identity. One of the guys from the fight walked around glaring at people and punching one fist into the other hand. The Divas pouted all day. It was hilarious.
“Wilbur could be anybody,” said Mike.
“Yeah,” I said.
“No,” said Ray. “It has to be somebody with a laser mind.”
“Yeah,” I said. Amazingly, they never suspected me.
I kept an eye out every day for stuff Wilbur could blog about. When The Big Couple had a public fight over his cheating, I wrote:
Jack of hearts is king of lies! Queen deserves an ace! Wilbur sez discard that joker!
Which she did!
And when this big guy tripped and belly-flopped in the middle of the cafeteria, I wrote:
Careful, Shamu! Wilbur would hate 2 see U dragged back 2 the ocean.
I wrote about an obnoxious geek who was as fun as fungus, an ugly girl who scared her own reflection, and a slow guy who couldn’t get a passing grade in lunch — and I didn’t stop there. With each new post, the Wilbur phenomenon grew. Soon Wilbur had hundreds of friends on his page!
He had a few enemies, too, who wrote nasty stuff. Some people just couldn’t take a joke! At first I answered them back, but then I realized why waste my time?
After a few weeks, I was finally ready to give my friends a heart-attack with my secret, but something strange happened. Mike and Ray turned against Wilbur!
“I’m sick of that Wilbur guy,” said Mike.
“He’s nothing but a bully,” said Ray.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“He’s cold,” said Mike. “Like saying Fred got up on the wrong side of the pig sty.”
“It was a joke!” I said. “He’s just being funny.”
“Then how come Fred’s not laughing?” said Ray.
I shrugged. “No sense of humor, I guess.”
“Right,” said Mike.
I couldn’t believe their attitude. Everybody else thought Wilbur was a riot. So what if some wussy farm boy got his feelings hurt? He was just one person.
But then I saw Jenna crying in a quiet corner of the library. Wilbur had said she should ignore people who told her to be herself, but she couldn’t be upset over a joke like that. Or so I told myself as I hurried past.
At lunch, I wondered when I had last seen the guy who fell in the cafeteria. How long had Dave been absent? Maybe ever since Wilbur said he was a science experiment in living without a brain?
Later, I noticed the guy I compared to a fungus slinking through the halls. I tried to convince myself he didn’t look depressed, but I knew better.
By the end of school, I felt depressed, too. Trying on a new personality was supposed to be fun. But Wilbur had turned into somebody who hurt people. No, I had become somebody who hurt people. I never would have said any of that stuff in person. But when I was joking around on the internet, I wasn’t face-to-face with anybody. It made it easy, I guess, to rip on people without thinking about their feelings. And isn’t that what bullies do?
When I got home, I worked my brain overtime, trying to think how I could fix things. Finally I took a breath and asked God to help me. That’s when it hit me what I should do.
After I wrote Wilbur’s last blog, I felt a little better. I didn’t feel good, of course. How could I? I couldn’t undo all the hurt, and I hated myself for being too chicken to reveal my real identity. But at least I was on the right track now:
Joker becomes jerk! But I guess that’s news only 2 me. I’m sorry things got out of hand, and I deeply apologize 2 everybody I hurt. I’ll B closing this space and hoping U can forgive me. Wilbur sez buh-bye.
HOW 2 TLK F2F
MAKE EYE CONTACT.
It will help to focus your attention and communicates respect.
LISTEN!
Understanding others’ ideas and thoughts is just as important as expressing your own. Check if you’re really listening by paraphrasing (restating in your own words) what the other person just said.
EXPRESS YOUR VIEWS.
Communication is a two-way street. The more you talk out loud, the easier it gets.
USE “I” STATEMENTS, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING DIFFICULT TO SAY.
Instead of, “You embarrassed me,” say, “I was embarrassed when you made a joke about me in front of everyone.” Tell the person how you feel, but don’t blame him or her for your feelings.
AVOID USING WORDS LIKE ALWAYS AND NEVER.
Always and never statements are rarely true. Stick to the issue at hand.
PRACTICE!
Pledge to stop text messaging for a week. Talk to your friends in person instead of through social networking websites.