by Edward Sellner
My father died suddenly, a week after we celebrated his 74th birthday with family, relatives, and friends. A bartender and tavern owner in small towns most of his adult life, he spent a great deal of his time listening patiently to people’s stories, often into the early hours of the morning. He told me once, with more weariness in his voice than pride, that he had probably heard more confessions than the parish priest.
The pastor at his funeral confirmed in his homily the accuracy of Dad’s words about his effective ministry of reconciliation behind the bar. He spoke with affection about the dynamic group of lay leaders, two of whom were my parents, that he had met 35 years earlier on his first parish assignment.
“Long before Vatican II’s emphasis on the laity,” he told the mourners who packed the country church, “Ed and his wife, Elaine, were actively involved in the town of Edgeley, North Dakota, and in the Church of the Transfiguration, enriching other people’s lives through their service and love.”
Since Dad’s death, my grief continues to carve new channels of understanding. I have begun to realize how much I learned from my father while he lived, and how much, in his absence, he is continuing to teach me. I had always equated my mother with giving me an interest in spirituality, but I realize I inherit that passion also from the silent example of my dad, who day-in and day-out revealed through his work and his many friendships, the spiritual values that he held.
Grieving has helped me claim the spiritual heritage my father left me. It has also helped me realize how, in terms of leadership, it is often the quiet, unassuming kind — my father’s kind — that builds communities.
In Sunday’s gospel Jesus tells three parables that scripture commentators say are about God’s mercy and love for us, and they no doubt are. But the parables also describe experiences of loss that lead to experiences of transformation, great joy, new awarenesses.
- Tell about your experience of losing someone close or losing something you valued, such as your health, your job, a relationship, a goal.