To the Pharisees and scribes who accuse him of poor choices in his friendships and associates in Sunday’s gospel, Jesus responds with stories rather than accusations against them and their self-righteousness. Jesus hopes these parables will awaken them to a new way of seeing reality, a way that is Jesus’ way of mercy.
The parables are about losses — a lost sheep, a lost coin, a lost son — and about celebrations for the found sheep, the found coin, and for the returning, repentant child. The longest parable is about a father’s losing not only the son who leaves home but also the son who has been distant for far too long and whose resentments consume him when his brother returns.
Both sons, Jesus implies, are eventually reconciled with their father who blames neither son. He does not even defend himself self-righteously. He tells each son, in so many words, that he loves him.
For the younger, the father plans a party. He does not forgive his son explicitly, but his silence implies that, for him, the past is over and forgiven. To the older son, the father says, “All I have is yours,” giving the distinct impression that he, too, should celebrate his brother’s change of heart.
On one level in these stories, Jesus is telling his critics and us that in our judgment of others or when we are most critical of ourselves, we are missing the reality that God’s love and forgiveness transcend anything that they or we may have done or said. On another level, Jesus affirms that experiences of loss, of grief, and of powerlessness may be precisely the ones that lead us to new awarenesses and new reasons for gratitude.
- What did your loss do to you? When did you feel darkness and fear, anger, and loneliness, wondering if God loved you or if, in fact, there was a God at all?
- How did others help you through that time?
- Who offered comfort and support?
The paradox of living that our spiritual traditions and even folktales and fairy tales acknowledge is that often the most painful times in our lives teach us the most wisdom.
For both women and men, but sometimes especially men, facing loss and expressing grief over those experiences are two of the hardest things to do. Yet for everyone these are the life tasks that must be undertaken sooner or later.
When it comes to the loss of someone whom we dearly love, grieving provides us the opportunity to accept that a person is actually gone and to incorporate into our own spirit the spirit of another. It is the price we pay for loving others. The more deeply we love, the more we will grieve.
Grieving also offers us the chance to learn to forgive them and ourselves, something that is not self-willed, but given through the acceptance and compassion of others, and the ever-present love of God.
- What have you learned about yourself, about others, and about God from your experience of loss?
- What have you learned about the importance of someone else’s help and about what you might do for those in similar situations?