by Jennifer Rooney and Joan Mitchell, CSJ
It’s 6:45 a.m. High school students pour into a big, lecture room for a film and presentation on teaching autistic children. Nearly 200 students arrive before seven. They come because they want to go to prom — the Starry Night Prom for people with disabilities.
To do any of the jobs at the prom, students must attend six to ten mornings and lunch time training sessions.
“Autism is a spectrum disorder,” says the speaker. “Some kids will never learn to speak or be toilet trained; others learn, go to school, and get jobs. But they can’t learn through words and have to learn to imitate through rewards and consequences. A teacher can never be sure an autistic child is getting it. One child’s parents were delighted when their child stopped and pointed at something he wanted rather than grabbing it; he’d learned that.
“With disabilities, if all else fails, smile,” the speaker concludes. “That says I care about you.”
The prom itself runs like clockwork because Peg Hodapp organizes every detail. Ms. Hodapp is a vice president for mission at this Lasallian school and the prom is her idea. It stresses school values — faith, service, community.
“Most of us are involved in Lasallian Ministry,” explains Annette Betting-Feuntes. “Starry Night comes out of this group.”
Starry Night started out as a dinner for 70. For the 15th event, over 1,300 guests filled two gyms and school hallways.
Ninth grade students wear black skirts or pants and white tops. They do food service. Tables for food and beverages line the far wall. An orchestra of 25 student musicians plays in the gym filled with chairs and tables. In the upper grades girls wear their prom dresses, boys their suits or tuxes.
Senior boys run parking and flag cars up the driveway to the school door. SUVs and pick-ups roll up full of families accompanying a differently-abled family member. Some require wheelchairs and go to the south entrance. Small buses from group homes arrive with men and women, youth and adults, stepping out in formals and suits.
Annette welcomes each guest. She prefers this prom to her own. More students in prom dress escort the guests to check in, receive corsages and buttonaires, and find the two gyms — one for food, one for dancing.
Annette and her dad often helped her older sister with clean up after Starry Night. “I got pre-involved,” says Annette. “When I started school at DeLaSalle, it wasn’t a question of if I would participate but now it is my turn. People from every different social group get involved. We work as a team. Most people do Starry Night all four years and look forward to seeing our guests.”
“It’s not just building relationships with our classmates,” says Addie. “We see people we remember from the year before. It’s guaranteed your second year someone will remember you.”
“And will want to dance with you,” adds Annette.
“Sometimes it’s hard to do our jobs for both girl and boy students because our guests want us to dance with them,” says Addie, who usually helps people take photos.
Lizzy likes escorting guests. “We meet them at the front door, welcome them, and develop a relationship. Then we escort them to the gym. The band has been coming the past three years. The guests love them. They play great songs.”
“Starry Night is great because it’s an annual thing,” explains Addie. “Everyone is so invested. We start planning in September. It’s not just students but staff, and the caregivers and guests start calling.”
Who can come? “Anyone from 8 to 80 with any disability is welcome,” says Lizzy. “And their families.”
“They have a broad spectrum of disabilities,” says Ms. Hodapp.
“By the end of senior year we know so much about different types of disabilities,” says Addie, referring to the early morning training sessions.
“Why are people often hateful toward people with disabilities?” asks Lizzy. “Obviously they don’t understand. By the end of four years, I think, ‘Why was I so ignorant about this four years ago.’”
The early morning sessions train volunteers to stop and think before they make a judgment. “Some people have narrow-minded attitudes about disabilities,” says Lizzy. “A film we saw was eye opening.”
“People are not defined by the disabilities,” says Annette. “The prom is a night to be together and celebrate life.”
All three like Starry Night better than their own prom. “It’s a drama free night,” explains Addie. Her favorite part of the evening is the Grand March. “Many guests call us up to walk through the arch as their date. Everyone is so excited.”
“Last year two of us became friends with a guy as we waited to go through the Grand March,” remembers Annette. “He kept coming back and asking us to dance.”
“I sat with a guy who was sitting in the hallway on a bench. He was sad because his girlfriend didn’t come. We talked and got to know each other. I saw less and less of his disability and more and more of him as a wholehearted, awesome person,” says Lizzy.
The doors open at five, the Grand March at six. The dance goes on all evening. Guests come from school special education programs, Special Olympic teams, and more than 30 group homes. Some are individuals living on their own with a disability. “Our only problem is wishing we could let more people come,” says Annette.
For Lizzy, “The whole Starry Night Prom characterizes our school. It’s an accepting community.”
What does one couple who come each year like? “The dancing and the dressing.”
Responses
by Mark Wong (After “Sure You Can Ask Me a Personal Question” by Diane Burns)
I’m fine. How are you? No, I am not a refugee. No, I am not an illegal immigrant. No, not Japanese. No, not Korean. No, definitely not Chinapino. No, none of that, I am Chinese. Yeah, you were pretty close. I was not born in China. I was born in Hong Kong. It used to be a colony of England. No, I am not trying to take over your country. No, I am not a communist. No, I do not own a dry cleaners. No, I do not own a restaurant. You like Chinese food? Well, good for you. You had Chinese last night. What a coincidence, so did I. No, it is not as fattening as people say. Do you see a lot of fat Chinese people? Well, don’t believe everything you hear. Yes, I do use chopsticks. No, I do not have a pet panda. Yes, I do speak Chinese. Yes, I do speak it at home. You want me to say something? You want to know what it means? It means, leave me alone.